Change of Heart


It is amazing what God uses to get to your heart. I had hit rock bottom for a while now. I was thirsting for something and didn't know what it was. I had a genuine desire for something more, but didn't know where from, who from, what from. I have searched and searched. I've looked in the church community and couldn't find what I needed. I've looked in more non personal ways such as blogs, advice columns, books-but still the desire burned. I even decided that it was something I needed from my husband, but was consistently disappointed and still left with this need.

I would make excuses to myself why I didn't do my consistent Bible study and quiet time. I'm too tired was the persistent answer that permeated and clouded my vision. I had been caught up in the everyday nonsense that felt like a weight on my shoulders. There is always laundry to be washed, folded and put away. There is an unmeasurable, unending amount of dishes-loading, unloading, loading. And the cleaning. I am convinced that cleaning will never end. Although all these other tasks were important, the responsibility of raising 2 kids and working (watching 6 others), going to school and church remained also. There are also the other 1,000 everyday things that serve as a distraction from what is really important. I had become consumed with these things and even though I was full of responsibilities and duties, I still wanted something more.

I am so excited to say that God has been working hard on my heart for a while now. I have been searching for the answer to my unending desire and realized that the answer has been literally right in front of my nose the whole entire time. Residing in me. Christ is enough. I never understood that statement. There was always those thoughts of but this and but what about that in the back of my mind.

I've also found a friendship that I believe is going to be the best one I've ever had. One that is authentic and genuine. One that is focused on uplifting and encouraging each other. One that is not centered on gossip.

Even on this rainy day, my vision is no longer cloudy. I have a sense of peace that I've been longing for for so long. Jesus is enough.

Comments

ashley said…
That's great! I too, have felt like there is something that is missing from my life. Like everyday I could be doing something more .
February 21, 2011 at 11:48 AM
ashley said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
February 21, 2011 at 11:48 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gentry Zoo

Image
To celebrate H-bugs first birthday, we went to the Gentry Zoo on Monday! She loved it. Both her and Malachi are big time animal lovers. I'm not sure where they get that from ;) Haly kept her eye on the Emu's the entire drive. She did not like them. There's this look she gives when she's not sure of a situation, and the birds definitely got that look. We named this guy Ted. Doesn't he look like a Ted? We aren't sure what he is, so we named him. The kids and I flipped out when he decided to stick his entire head in our car before we could roll up the window. He drooled on my skirt. The nerve! This Camel also stuck his entire German Shepherd sized head in our window! The best experience by far was the Zebras. Malachi just puckered up and laid a smooch on this guy. When we told him to do it again he informed us that it was "yucky" and then proceeded to scream "IT'S A WOLF"-or an Alpaca...with his head in Donovan's window with the most hil...
Read more

A whole year with the little ladybug

Image
I know this is a little late, but we've been a little busy :) July 10th, 2009 at 12:36 a.m. 6 lbs, 12 oz. I cannot believe my little girl is already one! It seems like she's still just a baby, and she is my baby! Going through the parenting with Malachi, I didn't realize how much they really change. It seems like in just a few weeks, she exploded into a new person. *She is 18.4 lbs. and 27.5 inches long. *She has a head full of hair now that can be fashioned into rubber banded pigtails (horns). She will NOT keep bows in. She will eat them. *She is walking all the time and everywhere. *She is climbing on the couch, our bed, up stairs and any chair she can reach. *She has 6 teeth, 2 bottom and 4 on top. *She has kicked the bottle except for night time. Even then, sometimes she's so tired she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She's having a hard time drinking from a sippy cup because of how fast it comes out-she always spits it everywhere. *She eats ever...
Read more

Random thought

Image
I have been thinking a lot recently about my husband. It seems as life gets busier with school, work, kids....life-that my appreciation for him gets put aside. It's tough to think about all the good he really does when I am overwhelmed or stressed out because we are so rushed or so busy. It seems like even though I am home all day, I can't wait to see him and spend time with him, but frequent plans are made otherwise. I act unappreciative and not understanding. I become selfish and am over taken with my own emotions. More recently, as my spiritual life has been growing, I've realized that....it's kind of NOT all about me :) I am not here to be served by my kids, my husband or anyone else for that matter. I am here to serve. I am here to be the best wife and mother possible that God has allowed me to be. My life is so full of blessing. I am so loved and taken care of yet sometimes I lose sight of this and get caught up in the moment. It's not fair to those around me ...
Read more