Freezing time
10 years ago I was staring into the face of my first baby boy. He was a little over 2 months old. He had learned to smile and roll over. I thought I couldn’t love him more than I did at that moment. As the years have passed (so quickly, too quickly) I realize that my love for him-and his siblings- grows leaps and bounds each day.
The hustle of every day is sometimes too much. It leaves me feeling so bogged down. I make check lists of what chores or tasks I want to accomplish, but at the end of each day, the truth is-I have never crossed everything off of that list. The issue probably lies in the fact that I have lofty goals and not enough time or energy to accomplish them. I have been guilty of making lists of things I’ve already accomplished, just to trick my brain into feeling better about my time spent.
Time seems to move so quickly, but slow-in unison. I’m sitting here with my 4th baby (who really isn’t a baby anymore) staring in the rear view mirror. Sometimes I look back and swear I see my first. Same wispy blond hair and juicy lips. Piercing blue eyes. Less demanding-that’s for sure. But they could pass as twins. My current state of mind is paused for a minute and the reminiscing is turned on.
So many of my brain cells have been stolen or locked away. I accidentally changed the kids iPod passcode and cannot for the life of me remember it. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but will not come back to me. Memories of motherhood feel like this. The sound of my current baby’s voice awakens memories of my time spent with my oldest. I am taken back to the days where I didn’t have a clue what motherhood was like (still don’t really have a clue, but I know some stuff). Where I’d lay out a blanket on the front lawn and give him 15 minutes of vitamin d and undivided attention. Before Social media and Google. I didn’t post about it, but it really happened. (I may have blogged about it) Grainy photos from my flip phone are the physical reminders of what our world looked like then.
The raspiness of Malachi’s voice.
The way Halynd said “kiss it” when she got a boo boo.
How Paxton’s eyes looked in the sun.
The glee with shouts of “Dats a cool car” from Huxley.
I wish I could freeze time, but since I can’t-I’ll encourage those Mama’s who are in the beginning of their journey. Revel in these precious moments. We cannot go back in time physically, but we can mentally. Savor every moment you can while they are little because eventually, they’ll be almost as tall as you and wearing a size 4 shoe.
Listen, and lean in close-I know motherhood is hard. 98.99% of the time I feel like I am in a tail spin. Everyone is fighting, or talking at once. Everyone’s hungry, but they don’t want to eat what was cooked. There are messes everywhere. Someone’s shoes are on the counter (again). We are running late. Someone can’t find their shoes. Or socks. Or coat. It’s a miracle we show up anywhere ever. But keep showing up. Keep pushing through this loud, messy, caffeine dependent time, because I know we will look back on this season just as fondly as when they were babies. I know it’s a long road ahead-I am about to enter teenage years, where 3/4 of them will be teens at the very same time. (Hold me and send lots of coffee). One day, we might be staring into the faces of our grand babies. They might have blond wispy hair, and piercing blue eyes. They could say “kiss it” just like your daughter used to.
I am guilty. So guilty. Wishing the day away because it’s so incredibly hard. But I know, for sure, I will be looking in my rear view mirror at a teenager, wishing they were 10 again-just for one day.
The hustle of every day is sometimes too much. It leaves me feeling so bogged down. I make check lists of what chores or tasks I want to accomplish, but at the end of each day, the truth is-I have never crossed everything off of that list. The issue probably lies in the fact that I have lofty goals and not enough time or energy to accomplish them. I have been guilty of making lists of things I’ve already accomplished, just to trick my brain into feeling better about my time spent.
Time seems to move so quickly, but slow-in unison. I’m sitting here with my 4th baby (who really isn’t a baby anymore) staring in the rear view mirror. Sometimes I look back and swear I see my first. Same wispy blond hair and juicy lips. Piercing blue eyes. Less demanding-that’s for sure. But they could pass as twins. My current state of mind is paused for a minute and the reminiscing is turned on.
So many of my brain cells have been stolen or locked away. I accidentally changed the kids iPod passcode and cannot for the life of me remember it. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but will not come back to me. Memories of motherhood feel like this. The sound of my current baby’s voice awakens memories of my time spent with my oldest. I am taken back to the days where I didn’t have a clue what motherhood was like (still don’t really have a clue, but I know some stuff). Where I’d lay out a blanket on the front lawn and give him 15 minutes of vitamin d and undivided attention. Before Social media and Google. I didn’t post about it, but it really happened. (I may have blogged about it) Grainy photos from my flip phone are the physical reminders of what our world looked like then.
The raspiness of Malachi’s voice.
The way Halynd said “kiss it” when she got a boo boo.
How Paxton’s eyes looked in the sun.
The glee with shouts of “Dats a cool car” from Huxley.
I wish I could freeze time, but since I can’t-I’ll encourage those Mama’s who are in the beginning of their journey. Revel in these precious moments. We cannot go back in time physically, but we can mentally. Savor every moment you can while they are little because eventually, they’ll be almost as tall as you and wearing a size 4 shoe.
Listen, and lean in close-I know motherhood is hard. 98.99% of the time I feel like I am in a tail spin. Everyone is fighting, or talking at once. Everyone’s hungry, but they don’t want to eat what was cooked. There are messes everywhere. Someone’s shoes are on the counter (again). We are running late. Someone can’t find their shoes. Or socks. Or coat. It’s a miracle we show up anywhere ever. But keep showing up. Keep pushing through this loud, messy, caffeine dependent time, because I know we will look back on this season just as fondly as when they were babies. I know it’s a long road ahead-I am about to enter teenage years, where 3/4 of them will be teens at the very same time. (Hold me and send lots of coffee). One day, we might be staring into the faces of our grand babies. They might have blond wispy hair, and piercing blue eyes. They could say “kiss it” just like your daughter used to.
I am guilty. So guilty. Wishing the day away because it’s so incredibly hard. But I know, for sure, I will be looking in my rear view mirror at a teenager, wishing they were 10 again-just for one day.
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